Peace be upon you dearest reader.

Experiences and people change us. We evolve, and we even term it as growth sometimes, but tell me, dearest reader, is this growth what we really want, or are we just somewhat helpless? (Here’s a quick story before we come back to this)

Today, a friend whom I haven’t contacted in over three months stopped by, and after an hour of life-updates and laughter, she looked me in the eye and said, ” You’ve changed.” In my head, I was like, yayy! The result of the 15-second plank I did for 5 days before I gave up is now evident, but I was wrong.

Miss X and I had an implied contractual kinda relationship where it’s one party’s duty to reach out. So apparently, my five days workout was a massive failure. What changed in me is the fact that I don’t reach out anymore, and like she said; it doesn’t suit me. I thought long and hard about this change, and here’s a summary of how it happened.

Over the past couple of months, I have subconsciously let my petty side take over. I used to be a very dedicated lover, but somewhere and somehow, I began to look out for reciprocation. I wanted a taste of what I was giving. I craved reciprocation of the energy I was putting into relationships or even more. And now, I’m in a phase where there’s nothing intentional about the way I love. No efforts at all. I just copy the vibe and paste.

In retrospect, I see this change as something I actually never wanted. It just happened, but again, I’m thankful because it has taught me that love and friendship shouldn’t be one-sided and that our love languages differ. Just because someone isn’t always checking up on you doesn’t mean that they don’t care enough but at the same time, I urge myself and you my sweet sweet reader to look out for people that are nonchalant and unintentional. It’s not about what exactly you do but the thoughts and effort you put into it.

The goal now is to go back to my lover girl self. To love and be loved intentionally, and to do that, I’m on a mission to curb my circle. I want it small and intimate with people who give off the same energy as I do. For now, I think this is the best way to keep my petty side under scrutiny.

Tell me, dearest reader, in what way did you evolve? Was it intentional or accidental?

Thank you for reading.

With love, Bibtie🤍