Writing random letters to myself have become a tradition. I’ve met people who write letters to themselves occasionally and mostly on their birthdays but Lord knows I can’t wait that long considering the fact that I always have something to tell myself whether it’s a motivation, a warning or some words to inflate my ego because I honestly won’t mind if it explodes. So here’s the most recent letter I’ve written to myself, and I thought to share (after scrutiny, of course 😉)
Dear Habibah,
I want to begin by telling you how proud of you I am. I’ve seen what you’ve done in all those storms. You’re a terrible swimmer, yet you manage to make it to shore in one piece every time. Damn girl.
Today, I want to tell you that your past is the worst place to be. I’m not trying to rush you into healing, but you can’t heal when you’ve become too comfortable with your pain and have accepted it as your reality. Most times, you talk about how your past, the weight that sits in you weakens your limbs and makes moving on a journey your legs can’t seem to make. I know it’s hard, but you need to learn how to move with that weight. You can start by crawling, and then, like a toddler, you graduate to walking. Drag your feet, take a step at a time, rest, get support, and I promise you’ll get to where you need to be in no time because it’s high time.
Also, they say, “Time heals all wounds,” and I know you’re waiting for time to come heal you, but let’s be realistic. Time isn’t the monthly allowance Daddy sends. You can’t be certain of its arrival. And sometimes, I wonder if months isn’t time enough for your wounds to heal. Maybe time has forgotten how to heal wounds, and if you say you’re going to wait until it remembers, you might end up bleeding to death. Plus, this could be a sign that your wounds need more than time to heal. It needs effort, determination, and less procrastination.
“Perhaps you hate something and it’s good for you, and perhaps you love something and it’s bad for you. Allah knows, while you don’t know.” (2:216)
“No doubt, in the remembrance of Allah hearts find comfort.” (13:28)
Lastly, I hope you use the above verses to refill when you’re at your lowest and use it as a motivation when you’re questioning your choice or considering giving up. And I promise to be with you through thick and thin, in depression, insomnia, and anxiety cuz as usual, you’ve got none but me baby girl and my love is pure and unconditional.
Hanifah ❤️
15-02-23
Coffee with Bibtie 